Tag Archives: random thoughts

Men Should Read Erotic Romance

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Normally I post random thoughts on Friday. But this Friday, my random though deserved a separate post. Men should read Erotica and Erotic Romance. They should do this for a number of reasons. Here’s a perfect illustration why.

*I used to be in a book club. It was a chick lit book club. But we had a dude in it. And he’s the one that turned me on to erotic romances. He told me he read them because his wife appreciated it.*

So guys, read erotic romances. Your women will appreciate it. Really they will.

First, read it because it’ll help you get into the mind of a woman. Now I’m not telling you to use lines from the things you read. But if your at a loss for what a woman wants in a particular situation, use the readings as guide posts. If your feeling at a loss because your brain is from Mars and her brain is from Venus, women writing men characters can give you a glimpse into the wants of how women might want you to respond. This isn’t rocket science dudes. And even if you don’t think any real life dudes would behave the way males behave in romances, still it’s like an outline for how she wants you to behave. Get as close as you can while still being authentic.

Second, read and reread the sex scenes. Seriously. Reading explicit erotic romance can make you a better lover. Trust me on this, you want to be a better lover. After many martinis and lots of heart-to-heart girl talks, LOTS of men need to do better. If you don’t think this is about you, it is. Your girl just won’t tell you. I will. Read some frickin’ books. Learn some new techniques. Figure this shit out cause YOU really need to. Really. I can’t stress this enough. Can’t. Stress. This. ENOUGH. This post is about you. Seriously.

If you’ve ever wondered what women want or the woman you are with can’t verbalize what she wants, read some frickin’ books and try out a variety of the things being written in those books. It’s a pretty sure bet, at some point, you are going to hit upon what your woman wants. If you’ve gotten into a rut or you don’t think your current technique is all that, don’t read dude publications to fix things. You want to read women’s writings, thought and wants. I mean it is women you are sleeping with. Who better to give you pointers on how to be a better lover than women? Ummm, no one.

Third, even if you’re not in a rut or your woman thinks you sex it up fine, it’ll still expand your mind. You’ll get ideas. And they are kind of fun to read. It’s not called mommy porn (a term I loathe but fits here) for nothing. Even though most dudes are visual, there’s only so much shitty porn on TV you can watch before you’ve seen just about everything. Reading erotica and erotic romance will help broaden your horizons and you can visualize as you read. It totally engages your imagination. See it’s a new avenue to get your stranger sex fix.

So there are a lot of reasons guys should read Erotic Romance and Erotica. For them and for their partners. Of the three reasons above, I find one of them to be the most relevant to me. But I hope I given some dudes some things to think about because all of the reasons are relevant to guys.

Random Thoughts Part 5

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Haven’t had any random thoughts for a while. Been too busy. But I had some today.

Why do cable people make you wait all day for them to show up? Why can’t they just tell you it will be at such and such time? Or about such and such time so you can get other shit done? I think it is a power play. I know some people will say it is because they don’t know when one job is finished and they can’t get to the next job until the one before it is done. But seriously? I just don’t get… they will be there sometime tomorrow. Really? If I didn’t need my router so badly, I would be all like… maybe I will be home sometime  tomorrow. Arghhhh!

Every time we have a tragedy, everyone puts that they’re praying for the victims of the tragedy. Seriously? Did you not get the joke about the lottery ticket and the woman with kids who are starving and about to be kicked out their house? She just kept praying. Finally god told her she needed to help him help her and get off her ass and buy a lottery ticket or something so he’d have something to work with. Same goes here. Jaysus. Praying is all good and well for the non victims. But you know what they need more than prayer? Donations. Of money, of supplies, etc. Praying make the non victim PRAYOR feel good but doesn’t do bumpkiss for the victims. So donate and then pray. Or pray and then donate. Or just donate. Make the donation your prayer. Sheesh. Do I have to spell it out already?

I don’t understand the whole fanfic thing. Why write something not original? Why not read something original? Is it because you are jonesing before the next book the series is out? Or the series is over and you didn’t get enough? Seriously, don’t get it. Daydream about your favs like the rest of us. Don’t be all ripping it off. And if you do, don’t be looking to make a buck off it. The idea isn’t yours. Do all that hard work, turn over all the $$ to the original creator/author/licensee or come up with your own original idea. It’s as simple as that. If that were the rule, we wouldn’t be having Amazon Worlds and the like. I am just blown away. We obviously need one of Bill Maher’s new rules here.

Random Thoughts Part 4

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Friday rolls around and my brain is fried, fried, fried. So once again, I am falling back on short random thoughts.

I really have serious questions about products in our society. I live in a new house. All the stuff in it is new. My air conditioner is new or was when I bought the house. I found out this week that it needs to be repaired. Already. Seriously? At only two years old, my air conditioning unit needs a $2000 repair? WTF? Does nothing last? Is nothing made to be durable? At some point the word durable will vanish from the English language much like durable goods. Everything is just disposable. But for some reason, I thought air conditioning units should last longer than two years. I don’t know why. I just did. And guess what else, the warranty is out as well. So the entire cost is mine. How’s that for a reality check? Look, I just think that some things should be built to last. You know, pride in the crap we make and all that. But apparently I am alone in this belief. Air conditioning makers have gone the way of light bulb manufacturers. And the instructions should read change after 60,000 hours of use.

Did you know Twitter can be addictive? It can also be annoying. See, it is addictive because I like having real time knowledge of the tidbits going on in the lives of people I know. It is annoying because so many people and companies use it as an advertising platform. Now, I don’t mind a shout out once in a while about some shit you want people to know about. But the constant bombardment of adverts is really frickin’ annoying. Stop it. I go and look at some of these constant advert peeps and they have a bazillion followers. I don’t know why. See I am going to their page to unfollow them because they have gotten on my last nerve. I am befuddled as to why more people don’t unfollow. Then maybe they would get the message. Stop the insanity. lol

So I found out what happened to my neighbor. A dude in a car that was a eduction coordinator for a local church got a case of road rage, followed him to the Best Buy parking lot and beat him up. Unbeknownst to my neighbor,  dude caused a concussion or some other head injury, a severe one and my neighbor died later that week after being in the hospital going in and out of consciousness. He slipped into a coma and died. He was 62. My neighbor was a really great guy. Funny, nice, neighborly. Now he’s dead cause some dude got pissed at a driving maneuver. Seriously? If I got mad at everyone that drove like an idiot, I would be pissed all day long. All day long. Here’s a tip for you, if you’re pissed at a driving stunt, go take a class on anger management or do what I do. Make up stories about why so and so is driving like an idiot. Here is an example. I saw a youngish woman driving like she was a bat out of hell. Cut me off crossing back into my lane after weaving in and out of traffic. So I told myself that she had smelly green crap oozing out of her crotch and needed to get to the gynecologist STAT. It made me smile, be more understanding and less angry. I didn’t follow her to a parking lot, beat the shit out of her and end up killing her. See, church dude is going to jail. Probably for manslaughter, perhaps for felony assault. Now two families will be without their dad. Only one of them will never come back. And when the other does, he will be branded a murderer. Sadness for both families all the way around. Smelly green oozing stuff would have been so much better. Local story in paper.

That is all.

30 Posts in 30 days

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I set a goal for myself at the beginning of April. I wanted to write a blog post a day. April is one of those months that only has 30 days. I thought no problem. I can write 30 blog posts. I write thousands of words day. How hard can it be to write a few hundred for a blog post.

I mean, I’m interesting. I have interesting things to say. I can come up with 30 interesting topics. Holy Crapola Batman. Writing 30 blog posts in 30 days is hard. Seriously hard. Like I ran out of things to say within a few days and had to rack my brain for topics kinda hard. I wasn’t that interesting. I didn’t have as many interesting things to say. In fact, I found that I was down right boring. Really, watch the paint dry, boring.

Once that reality check was in place, I came up with recurring topics and themes. This helped but did not alleviate any of my boring qualities. Not at all.

I am happy to report that I met my goal. But this could be the hallmark of a boring person. Reliable but boring. I did what I set out to do. This trait could just mean that I am pig-headed. I mean it could mean that I have follow through but it could also mean that I am just too damn stubborn not to finish what I started. So I guess finishing out the month of April by actually doing what I set out to do could mean lots of good things for me and my personality. But… but… but it could also mean a whole passel of bad things as well. It probably boils down to whether you are a glass half empty or a glass half full kinda person.

What I know is I am is a person who is tired of writing a blog post a day. I can’t keep up the pace. My hat goes off to those that can. More power to you. I just can’t join you. My short foray into that world was wrought with pain and the musings of a boring mind. Not a good thing to learn about myself. 😉 So today is the first day of May. And I can safely say I will not be trying to write a post everyday. Never again. Nope, Nuh-huh, Not doing it.

Like I said, I learned a lot this past month. Including my lesson. lol

Randoms Thoughts Part 3

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Hey look. Friday has rolled around. Once again, my brain is fried. And thus we have random thoughts.

I hate having a house telephone. The only people who call us on it are telemarketers and school officials. The only reason we have it is so that school officials can call us on it. However, everyone who matters calls us on our individual cell phones. I am giving serious thought to just getting rid of the house phone. Although it is cheap, I have a bundle, it is really worthless. The other reason is that it is a local number. My cell phone is not local. It is a number I had from Alaska. I no longer live in Alaska but with Nationwide calling plans, it really doesn’t matter anymore. At least in terms of cost. But seriously, if one more charity calls looking for a donation, I think I might go nuclear on their asses. Leave people alone. I swear if there is a charity I am interested in donating money to, I WILL find you. And yes, I do donate. But never to people who call me. NEVER.

So the weirdness of the weather sitch has me concerned. I hate it. I want it warm like yesterday. Winter was LONG. I need the sun and warmth of summer to be here like yesterday so I can get some rays and up my Vit. D and generally feel happier. Looking outside and seeing the sun then stepping out there anticipating warm and getting cold makes me sad. Really frickin’ sad. Like way sadder than when I expect it to be cold and it is. Maybe it’s global warming. Maybe it’s the cyclical nature of weather. I just don’t care. Give me warm. Now, please.

Here’s a fashion tip. Skinny jeans don’t look good on anybody. Men, women, large or skinny. They just don’t. If you are wearing skinny jeans thinking you are rocking the clothes, chances are people like me are laughing at you. Seriously. The only people skinny jeans look good are are those people who are so anorexic that skinny jeans are the only jeans that fit them and STILL they would look better in straight legs. But that’s just me. Skinny jeans are not forgiving AT ALL. And trust me, most of us need a little forgiving when it comes to our clothes. Um, because our bodies just need it that way.

If you are at a kids sporting event and you get into an argument with another parent or a coach or a ref, you are STUPID. Kinda like Jeff Foxworthy “here’s your sign…” Here is YOUR sign that you might be an idiot parent. A big one. Hey, I get it. You like your kid. You want your kid to win. But let’s face it, not all kids and not all kids’ teams are winners. Fighting with the other adults at the game make you look like an idiot. And it embarrasses your kid. Your kid won’t tell you. So I will. Stop being stupid. Stop living vicariously through your kid. Unless your kid is in the Olympics and the game matters in some way, let it go. Walk away. Be an adult. Seriously.

That is all.

Random Thoughts Part 2

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I think Fridays will be Random Thought day cause for some reason I am too tired to think of a coherent topic and I have run out of stuff to say.

If you’re a cop and you come to question me about what happened to my neighbor AND you figure out that I don’t know shit, clue me in. See I thought when the paramedics and fire trucks showed up at his house that he had a heart attack or fell down the stairs or started a kitchen fire or something involving the frickin’ fire department. So when the cops come around the next day and ask me if I saw anything or heard anything or if anyone hated my neighbor, it freaks me right the fuck out. Umm, cause that would mean that someone broke into his house and hurt him. AND I live right next door. See how a person could be FREAKED the fuck out about that?!?!? Seriously, clue me in. I need to know. Not because I am a curious bitch but because I live right NEXT DOOR.

If you make MP3 players, iPods, etc. make it so I can put the music list on multiple computers. Cause if my playlist and updates are on a computer that craps out, I am screwed. And not in the good way. But in a very bad way. Very. Bad. This means I am forever locked into the playlist that is on my MP3 player. Well at least until I wear out the battery. You know the one that I can’t change out because I just can’t. The manufacturer made it impossible for me to do so. Some technologies ROCK because they give us something we didn’t even know we needed until we got it and now we can’t live without it. At the same time they SUCK cause those same manufacturers are looking to lock us into their product, their company. Here’s a tip for doing that that has nothing to do with screwing over your customers- make a KICK ASS product and just keep making it KICK ASS. That is what keeps your customer base loyal. Not this bullshit trying to keep us attached to the teat by making it impossible to change a frickin’ battery or share music or whatever.

I have bats that fly at night around my yard. Oh my god. Scared me spitless. I was sitting out there drinking a bottle of wine, yes I said bottle- go big or go home, and what should I start seeing but nocturnal flying things. Now I watch the discovery channel. I KNOW birds can’t fly at night, don’t fly at night. The only thing that would be flying at night are bats. Lots of bats. Like you see in bat cave numbers LOTS. In other words, holy shit batman. I also know I shouldn’t be afraid of them. They aren’t the blood sucking kind. They are the eating lots of bugs and keeping my backyard semi-bug free kind. Intellectually I know all of this. Still, they are freakin’ BATS. So I very quietly grabbed my wine bottle and skedaddled inside leaving the bats to do their thing.

If I state in a thread that I don’t like reading a certain trope and you come into that thread to tell me that trope has in fact happened to you in real life, don’t be offended if I don’t care. I don’t care that it really happened to you or 5 of your friends or even everyone you know. I just don’t care AND I don’t want to read about it. I will also make fun of you. Because you are arguing about what I want to read by using your real life as an example of why I am wrong. Umm, yeah no. Please take a logic class. One doesn’t necessarily follow the other. I wouldn’t care to read about that trope in a memoir, autobiography or any non-fiction that talks about that trope, I certainly don’t want to read fiction about it. The most you will get is an acknowledgment by me that yes that might happen in real life. Good for you. I still don’t want to read about it. I don’t care about you and your real life. I care about my dollars and what I spend them on when I buy something to read. Coming into a thread that talks about what people are tired of reading about and arguing that a trope is or can be somewhat realistic because you are a living example of that trope is… ummm… CRA-CRA. My preference in reading is not about you. Never has been. Never will be.

That is all.

Random Thoughts

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Can’t do a focused post today cause well my brain isn’t real focused. Holy schmoly.

I’m having a party tomorrow night. I don’t want a party. But I got one.  It’s sad when all you want to do is work. And having people over isn’t what you want at all. Totally antisocial of me I know but whatever. I am into my writing right now and I need to ride the wave. I will deal cause that’s what I do. But I am coming up with scenarios to get rid of people as they walk up to my door. lol Broken water mains, diseases that need quarantine. You get the idea. Evil little mini movies that are playing in my head.

I know I bitched about how cold it was. But sheesh, can I have a few warm days that aren’t scorching BEFORE we get to the scorching days? You can’t take me from 35 degrees F to 85 degrees F in one day. It is cruel. It is unusual. It is punishment. I literally changed my thermostat in my house from heat to cool in one day. The temperature variant was CRA-CRA.

Stop letting your frickin’ dogs poo in my yard. I will follow you, find as much dog poo as I can and put all that shit into YOUR yard with a sign that tells everyone that YOU let your dogs randomly poo in my yard when you take little Fido or big Cugo on a walk. You should be BANNED from being able to take walks. Seriously. Bring a frickin’ bag. It’s not hard. Yes ,I know it is gross to walk with your dog and a bag of poo. But it is so much grosser to find random dog poo piles in your yard. Really. I promise. Way grosser. Way.

My laptop needs a new battery. Umm, aren’t they supposed to last foreva? When I was sold the laptop, we never discussed replacing my battery. NEVER. I should have been made aware that laptop batteries don’t last forever. Just in passing maybe. Say something like hey, you’re gonna need to replace the battery after a while. I would have been all cool. The crazy thing? I rarely use the battery at all. I am normally plugged in cause I like high performance mode and I like a constant power supply. So the fact that I need a new battery is ridiculous. And that it’s $120 bucks is also ridiculous. I am outraged at the price.

I had a cocktail last night. I wondered about the word cocktail. Now does it mean that get a girl drunk and the cock (that would be a guy) will get tail (that would be a girl)? Or does it mean that get a dude drunk and he will strut around as if he’s a cock with a tail? Cause the word has no bearing on the drink being drunk. There was no cock in my drink. There was no tail in my drink. It doesn’t vaguely or outright resemble either a cock or a tail. I guess I could google the word and see its history but it is so much more fun to make fun of the word. And I gotta say, it was WAY more fun to have drank a drink but not be drunk and ponder weird words. lol

That is all.