TSA… You Suck

Seriously. It’s been almost a decade and a half since 9/11, and you still suck.

Increasingly, the security measures you seem to want to enact are just tedious and unnecessary. Plus, they aren’t really finding any terrorists. Like not one. I’d be willing to endure, yes ENDURE, the stupid routine of removing my shoes and my computer and taking off my jacket only to be x-rayed to show all of my naked glory for the perving pleasure of people who couldn’t get any other job. But noooo, I must also endure the tossing of my cuticle scissors because they might be weapons.

Cuticle scissors, y’all.

Fucking cuticle scissors. From a matched set. Well, it’s not so matched now. Now, my set is missing the scissors I use to take off very tiny pieces of skin.

Does it stop there? Noooo, it does not.

This last time, they wanted me to throw away my wine corkscrew. Because it had a half inch wrapper remover. My corkscrew I was gifted in Tuscany. A trip that I want to remember and have very few momentoes of. But I wasn’t going to be deterred. So I requested to be able to mail the corkscrew to myself.

Is there a streamlined process for mailing shit to myself, you ask, you know, since it’s been almost a decade and a half since 9/11 and the most stupid security measures EVAR being in place of almost as long? Fuck No.

I have to leave the security area, of which I had already passed because they were digging in my bag to find my totally dangerous CORKSCREW. I have to go back out and mail that shit from a shipper who is going to charge me $10 to mail my shit to me. And then I have to go back through security and go to my gate. Is the shipper location prominently displayed? Fuck no. Is anything about this easy? Fuck no.

It’s a fucking mess at TSA. It’s a fucking mess at the private shipper. It’s a fucking mess at airports.

Traveling used to be fun. The plane ride was almost as anticipated as the final destination. It’s not that way anymore. It’s become tedious and something many people DO NOT look forward to. At. All.

Pro-tip TSA: The United States Post Office is also a governmental agency. Find a way for people to be able to drop ship their stuff to themselves from inside the goddamn security area. It can’t be that fucking hard, bitches. But in order to make traveling just little less of an ass pain than its become, you’d have to swirl some shit around in your head and come up with common sense solutions. It’s a skill that TSA has apparently never even thought of. TALK TO THE USPS and make mailing things you consider dangerous to ourselves. Because apparently, postal workers aren’t punk ass bitches and aren’t scared of corkscrews and cuticle scissors even if you are. Make mailing the things that frighten you, TSA, easier. It’s not that hard.

Cuticle scissors and a corkscrew.

Fuck you, TSA, you punk ass bitches.

Call in the USPS. Use your frickin’ common sense and try to make some shit EASIER because all you seem to be able to do is make things more difficult and hard.


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