Grass is Greener

I have grass is always greener syndrome. It is a serious affliction. There might be a cure. But I might or might not want it depending on whether I like where I’m at. See, serious frickin’ problem going on here.

I like my yoga classes. I like how I feel after I get done with yoga. I feel centered and more able to deal with the day to day bullshit that swings my way on a daily basis. Recently I got a new yoga teacher for my Monday/Wednesday class. His teaching style is really different from my old teacher. And I want my old teacher back. My new teacher is way too into the yoga philosophy and is very zen-like in his teaching style. Now, I know what I want. But I also know what the universe gave me. I am betting on some level that I have the yoga teacher I have right now because he is what I need. But my mind is doing its crazy dance of telling me I don’t. It is a form of resistance. And really when it comes to the power of the universe shoving something down my throat, resistance is futile. I should gracefully give in. But I will probably bitch and bitch until the light bulb goes off and I figure out why I have the yoga teacher I have at this moment. And then I’ll be all grateful. Until then, I will whine about wanting my old yoga teacher back.

I want to exercise outside. I do yoga inside. My brain is trying to tell me to skip my yoga class in favor of doing my own thing outside. now this could be in response to my resistance to my new teacher. Or it could be that I am just trying to get out of yoga. Or it could be that I really want to get outside. The thing is that if I do skip yoga, there is no guarantee that I will actually get outside. Plus, I could just go at anytime. Before or after I do yoga. So why does my mind tell me to skip yoga? I think it is because gremlins live in my brain and they live to mess with me. Plus, I have spring fever. That combo is bad, bad, bad.

We moved from Alaska to where we are now. I wanted to move. Now, I want to move back. Life back in Alaska was comfortable. I knew all the best places to eat, shop, get a drink, etc. Plus, I was able to work at will in my profession. Not writing, my legal one. Here not so much. I don’t know the legal community and it is harder to pick up the odd job. And lawyerly communities are very high school girl cliche-ish. I know the minute we moved back, I would want to leave again. So when I was being a lawyer, I wanted to be a writer. Now that I am writing full-time, I want to be a lawyer. Go figure.

See, the grass is always greener. Always. Until you step over onto the field that looked so lush and find it is just like the one you came from or maybe even a little worse. Cause there are potholes in this field that you weren’t aware of or wasn’t readily visible when you were gazing at it longingly. Trying to talk my brain into being content exactly where I am is a huge monumental task. I have to work it every minute of every day. Don’t want the highs and lows like a pendulum swinging back and forth.  Just want the even keel of being content without too much variation in the emotional spikes in either direction. Maybe I need to go on a vacay. A little holiday. Or maybe I just need to find all of that right here at home.

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